One of the most difficult states to be in is knowing that your reasoning is valid—and remaining stuck.
Most coaches encourage people to know their strengths and patterns. That is important, but it is not enough. We also need to accept them, and acceptance is often misunderstood.
Saying “That is me” or “That is simply how I am” demonstrates awareness, or at most acknowledgement. Acceptance goes deeper. It means recognising where a pattern leads and confronting the consequences honestly.
The Question Behind “How Do I Change?”
In a recent coaching session, a coachee said, “I know I am quite judgemental. How do I change?”
The more fundamental question was not how to change. It was this: Do you accept what being judgemental is costing you?
Judgement affects more than an opinion in a single moment. It influences how someone sees people, how they respond and the kinds of relationships they build. Over time, it can limit their network, their opportunities and the people they attract into their life.
When we explored this, the coachee gave several reasons why the situation was still acceptable. He did not need more friends. He wanted to focus on himself.
Those reasons may be valid. The deeper question is whether the outcome is genuinely where he wants to be.
When Questions Are Actually Decisions
People frequently say they want change while explaining why staying the same remains acceptable.
The pattern appears in familiar statements:
“I know I need to dream bigger, but how?”
“I know I need a mentor, but where would I find one?”
“I should plan for my future, but what if I do not live that long?”
On the surface, these sound like questions. Underneath, they can become decisions: decisions to delay, remain comfortable and avoid action.
This does not mean every question is an excuse. Questions are essential when they lead to exploration and action. The concern begins when the same question repeatedly protects the same outcome.
Acceptance Makes the Choice Visible
As long as staying the same feels acceptable, nothing changes.
That was why the issue was not simply whether the coachee was judgemental. It was whether he accepted what that pattern could create in his relationships and opportunities.
Once we accept the consequences of a pattern, we can no longer hide behind “I know.” We face a clearer choice: accept the outcome, or choose to change the behaviour that produces it.
Awareness names the pattern. Acceptance recognises its direction. Action determines whether that direction will continue.
At PLUS Mindset Academy, individual coaching helps professionals move beyond intellectual awareness, examine the consequences of their patterns and translate insight into meaningful change.
This article expands on an original insight shared by Sharon Tan. Read the original LinkedIn discussion.
